The five most offensive rap lyricists of all time

Rap has been condemned by God fearing white devils for decades. Why?

5

N.W.A

A.K.A.:

Don’t make me say it, you know what it stands for.

Known for:

Fucking tha police.

Inspiring an entire generation to fuck tha police.

Criminal record:

Easy-E: spotless!

Ice Cube: spotless!

Dr Dre: spotless! Well, except for that one time…

“People talk all this shit, but you know, somebody fuck with me, I’m gonna fuck with them. I just did it, you know. Ain’t nothing you can do now by talking about it. Besides, it ain’t no big thing—I just threw her through a door.”

Band mates Easy-E and Ice Cube agree, “bitch deserved it!”

True Fact:

When every curse word is edited out of their 1988 debut album “Straight Outta Compton” the album’s total running time is diminished to eight and a half minutes.

Most offensive lyric:

Straight Outta Compton

Straight outta Compton, crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube
From the gang called Niggaz With Attitudes
When I’m called off, I got a sawed off
Squeeze the trigger, and bodies are hauled off

Off yo ass, that’s how I’m goin out
For the punk motherfuckers that’s showin out
Niggaz start to mumble, they wanna rumble

Mix em and cook em in a pot like gumbo

Here’s a murder rap to keep ya dancin

With a crime record like Charles Manson
AK-47 is the tool
Don’t make me act the motherfuckin fool

4

Lil’ Kim

A.K.A.:

Queen Bee, Daughter of Joy, street walker… Cockstar… slut…

Known for:

‘Collaborating’ with Notorious B.I.G., Puffy, 50 Cent, and most other male rappers in existence, often at the same time, over the course of ‘multiple “recording” ;)””sessions””;)

Criminal record:

2005 – Found guilty of perjury and conspiracy for lying about rapper friends involvement in a shooting. Served one year and one day in prison.

True Fact:

Stayed extra day in prison beyond what was required in order to beat rival rapper Foxy Brown’s incarceration record. First words upon freedom, “Foxy Brown ain’t shit!”

Most offensive lyric:

I thought verbal sexual harassment of a man was impossible. We love that shit! But Lil’ Kim somehow manages to make me feel objectified and humiliated.

Suck My Dick

Niggas love a hard bitch
One that get up in a nigga’s ass quicker than an enema
Make a cat bleed then sprinkle it with vinegar
Kidnap the senator

Make him call his wife and say he never coming home
Kim got him in a zone beating they dicks
Even got some of these straight chicks rubbing their tits

She’s going to kidnap the senator! I can think of worse fates than being blindfolded and thrown in the back of a van with a hyper-sexual rap superstar… although that whole bleeding enema vinegar thing is somewhat disconcerting.

3

BIG O

A.K.A:

Oh Oh OH!

Known for:

Aurally pleasuring crowds into frenzied states of sex crazed euphoria.

Spitting mad game to all the bittys.

Bitty clapping.

Criminal record:

1989 – Served two years in prison for verbally raping 47 women during a performance at a Brooklyn night club.

1994 – Arrested for indecent exposure. Charges dropped after O claimed in court, “That shit fell out my pant leg!”

1996 – Arrested for indecent exposure.

1997 – Arrested for instigating indecent exposure.

1998 – Arrested for conspiring to indecently expose a government official.

1999 – Sentenced to life in prison after fatally shooting three men in a Brooklyn strip club.

2007 – Achieved fugitive status after escaping the Brooklyn Penitentiary for the criminally insane in early July.

True Fact:

Has released three albums and performed in concert twice as a fugitive.

Most offensive lyric:

Masta Jail Bait

Happy birthday bitty

You a big girl now,

Eighteen and legal

Pa Pa PAZOW!

Don’t sweat it ho

I would of got you a gift,

But putting my dick in a box is hard

When you not there to help lift

Prison ain’t shit bitch!

I jab a nigga with a shank

A ho with my dank,

Eat puddin out the bowl

Till my mutha fuckin’ breaf stank!

Ass Buffet

Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, oreo

More flava than flav on this dick, ho!

Quick, put your bib on,

I’ll feed you some lobster

Shuck these clams with your tongue,

Loot these crab cakes like a mobster

I got the ‘shuck these clams’ thing, but what are ‘crab cakes’ and ‘lobster’ metaphors for?

2

CB4

A.K.A:

MC Gusto, Dead Mike, and Stab Master Arson

Known for:

Bein’ da gangstaist mah fuckas on da planet earf!

Criminal record:

Too sly.

True Fact:

Stab Master Arson’s real name is Stab Master Arson.

Most offensive lyric:

Sweat of my balls

For the ladies, a hundred-thirty pounds of beef, yeah
Chinky eyes, curly hair and gold teeth
Swingin with this here stud, you need practice
I’m leavin used rubbers on the mattress

When I’m with my homies, we’re rollin
Can’t love a car unless it’s stolen
Don’t ask me what the price is,
but it’s more than pussy tickle devices

Straight outta Locash

Straight Outta Locash
A crazy mothafucka named Gusto
I fucked ya wife, cause the bitch is a big hoe
I fucked ya sister, I fucked ya cat
I would have fucked ya mom but the bitch is too fat!

Blood is drippin, I’m not slippin
Bitches panties, is what I’m rippin
Rollin faster than a motherfuckin dirt bike
Never met a piece of pussy that I didn’t like
Like to eat it, like to suck it
Take a shit… in a bucket; Straight Outta Locash!

A villain with a hat, and it’s like that
I tied yo’ moms to a motherfuckin train track
Flat on her back, I give her some crack
It’s ten o’clock – DO YOU KNOW WHERE YO MOMS IS AT?

1

Observe ODB in his natural habitat.

Ol’ Dirty Bastard (rest in pUHhhuhhheace)

A.K.A.:

Osirus, Ol’ Dirt Dawg, Big Baby Jesus, Sweet Baby Jesus, Super Bastard, Dirt McGirt, Prince Delight, The Man of All Rainbows, Peanut the Kidnapper (peanut the kidnapper?)

Known for:

Vomiting lyrics and seizuring loudly into the microphone.

A voice sponsored by Mickey’s Fine Malt Liqour and Kingpin Blunt Wraps.

Being insane.

Criminal record:

1993 – Convicted of second degree assault in a robbery attempt.

1994 – Shot in abdomen by another rapper

1997 – Arrested for refusing to pay child support to three of his thirteen children.

1998 – Plead guilty to assault on wife. Shot twice in home invasion robbery. Arrested days later for shoplifting a pair of fifty dollar sneakers. Arrested twice for making criminal threats in drunken confrontations.

1999 – Arrested for possession and trafficking crack cocaine. Arrested for being a convicted felon wearing a bulletproof vest.

2000 – Escaped from court mandated drug treatment facility. Managed to record several tracks as a fugitive before being arrested in a South Philly McDonalds.

True Fact:

Ol’ Dirty Bastard died at the ripe age of 35; hardly “ol'” by todays standards. Autopsy revealed a bag of cocaine in his stomach.

Most offensive lyric:

ODB’s mouth is like a steaming, bubbling geyser of hot offensiveness primed to spew misogyny and OG violence all over your lobes. To decipher just one or two lines as his ‘most offensive’ from such a massive reservoir of cringe worthy, shockingly nonsensical lyrics would be doing the man a great injustice. So here’s the absolute filthiest four I could find:

Caked Up

[Intro: Ol’ Dirty Bastard]
Yo, this Dirt McGirt representin’ Brooklyn
We gettin’ ready to wreck shit up, downtown, uptown
(Boroughs, ya’ll niggaz better know it’s something) Wu-Tang, bitch
(Get ya fuckin’ head punched ya fuckin’ shoulders, duke
This is how we do, everyday, blast through your motherfuckin’ speaker, nigga)
Bastards!

That’s the first ten seconds of the song and he’s already threatened to punch our heads off, called us the n-word twice, dropped three f-bombs and both b-words. There may well be more offensive lyrics beyond the 00:10 mark but my feelings were hurt and I turned it off.

Cold Blooded

Sweetheart baby,
Touch me girl where I want to me touched
Don’t ever complain, gotcha in a cobra clutch
Love me tender, love me sweet
I wanna bust this nut in a superfreak

Chickenhead soup for the soul.

Cracker Jack

If you wanna die, you gotta drink my sperm
The other way to die, is eat a can of worms

… sooo what do we have to do to not die?

Dirty Dirty

Hate Dog, cuz I ate your cat
And you can eat my ass and have a coke with that
Use a spoon, unless you want a fork
Pull my dick out, watch the room get dark
Stay high with the zombie walk
Gotta sit my ass down, like Rosa Parks

I’ll just have a vitamin water and some chopsticks thank you.

Okay, that’s enough. You gangster rappers should be ashamed of yourselves. Hundreds of thousands of children look up to you – most of them biologically yours. Listen kids, no matter what these rappers try and tell you, kidnapping the senator is not cool and eating ass with kitchen utensils is unsanitary.